What's the Answer?
by Raikou Ryu
Summary: Everyone's fovorite non-anime rpg, gameshow style!
1. What's the Answer

What's the Answer?: A Diablo Parody  
  
Spotlights fill a colourful stage, and a badly dressed man with hair like a chiapet walks into the center.  
  
Host: Hi! I'm Chester Cheapskate and welcome to What's the Answer, the gameshow where the contestant has to answer one rediculously easy question. Our first contestant tonight is Phil. Phil comes all the way from across town and is currently working at an inn.   
  
Phil: Hi, Chester.  
  
Chester: Quiet you, I didn't tell you to talk.  
  
Phil: Sorry.  
  
Chester: Okay, the rules are simple. I am going to ask you a question. If you can guess the right answer before time runs out, you win a flawed gem and two health restoring potions! If the time runs out before you guess the right answer, diablo gets your mortal soul and you have to serve him for all eternity!  
  
At that moment, a large, evil looking demon pokes his head through a hole in the wall.  
  
Diablo: Hi!  
  
Chester: Okay, let's play What's the Answer! The question is: what is Neo Sygma doing writing this stupid story?  
  
A timer starts and the a sign is held up to inform the audience what the answer is. The sign reads, I don't know.  
  
Phil: Uhhhh....... Let's see.... Because he wants to?  
  
Chester: Nope.  
  
Phil: Because he's bored?  
  
Chester: No, I'm sorry. That's not the answer either.  
  
Phil: Gee, I don't know.  
  
Bells and whistles begin to go off, and several ugly old women walk onto the stage carrying a gem and two flasks containing red liquid. The women hand the items to Phil and Chester walks up to him.  
  
Chester: Congratulations, Phil! The answer was I don't know! You win.  
  
Phil: Yay! (hops up an down)  
  
Diablo: Aw, c'mon. I want his soul.  
  
Chester: Wait until next week, Diablo.  
  
Diablo: Fine. I'll enslave the masses all by myself. (storms off of the set and disappears in a burst of flame)  
  
Everyone congratulates Phil and soon everyone begins to leave. The next day, The producers of the show went broke because of the prizes and it was almost cancelled, but giving a second chance by the network that had a sudden change of heart...  
  
Diablo: Wonder why? HEH HEH HEH!!!!! BWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
  



	2. What's the Answer 2

What's the Answer?: A Diablo Parody  
  
  
Spotlights fill a colourful stage, and a badly dressed man with hair like a chiapet walks into the center.  
  
Host: Hi again everybody! I'm Chester Cheapskate and welcome to What's the Answer, the gameshow where the contestant has to answer one rediculously easy question. Tonights contestant is Steven who is currently unemployed, and begging for money on the corner of 5th and main...Give him a hand ladies and gentlemen!  
  
Audience (made up of 2 people): yay...  
  
Steven: Ummmm what?  
  
Chester: Never you mind. Anywho, let's get on with the show. Do you know how the game works steven?  
  
Steven: Ummmm huh?  
  
Chester sighs  
  
Chester: Ok, listen up because I'm only saying this once. The rules are so simple, even you should be able to figure this out! I am going to ask you one question, thats right, one. If you can guess the right answer before time runs out, you win a chipped gem and two minor health restoring potions! If the time runs out before you guess the right answer, diablo gets your mortal soul and you have to serve him for all eternity!  
  
At that moment, a large, evil looking demon pokes his head through a hole in the wall.  
  
Diablo: Hi. This time he better lose!  
  
Chester: I dont think he'll get this one, Big D.  
  
Steven: Ummmm who?  
  
Chester: This is your one and only question...Why is Neo Sygma writing this second fanfic?  
  
A timer starts and the a sign is held up to inform the audience what the answer is. The sign reads, because he's bored out of his immortal mind.  
  
Steven: Ummmm Where?  
  
Chester: This is all too easy.  
  
Diablo: YAY!! MORE SOULS!!! Gotta catch'em all...Soulemon!  
  
Steven: Ummmm Why?  
  
Diablo: Mwahahahahahah!!!!!!!  
  
Chester: 10 seconds left Steven...heh heh heh  
  
Steven: I don't know...because he's bored out of his immortal mind?  
  
Chester: I dont believe this...dangit!  
  
Diablo: AWWWWWWWWWWWW comeon......ummmmmmm the clock was broken....yea that's it...the clock...IT WAS THE CLOCK!!!!!!!!  
  
Chester: Just give him the prize and tell him to go home.  
  
Steven: Ummmm Scuze me?  
  
Bells and whistles begin to go off, and several horribly ugly old women walk onto the stage carrying a tiny chipped gem and two flasks containing red liquid. The women hand the items to Steven and Chester walks off the stage.  
  
Steven: I won? HOO-BOY!!  
  
Chester: Dang lucky...  
  
Chester trails off mumbling a couple words of potty mouth.  
  
Diablo: uh uh uh, language Chester, language...we cant win em all can we....but wait, this guys an idiot...it calls for language use.... #$%^$% %^$**@&# lucky @)#-($-!-%*#^@ how the !#$% did he #*$(%&@ get the %^#&*$@ answer...!@#$  
  
The End (and this time, there will be no more!!! Hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!)  
  
  
Diablo: Are you sure about that?  
  
Neo Sygma: Eeep! Okay, I'll write more. Just back off.  
  
Diablo: And I'll get the soul next time?  
  
Neo Sygma: Don't push your luck.  
  
  
  
maybe... 


	3. What's the Answer 3

What's the Answer? 3: Yet Another Diablo Parody  
  
  
Spotlights fill a colourful stage, and a badly dressed man with hair like a chiapet walks into the center.  
  
Host: Hi again everybody! I'm Chester Cheapskate and welcome to What's the Answer, the gameshow where the contestant has to answer one rediculously easy question. Tonights contestant is Alex. Alex is a paladin and has just returned from a quest...Give him a hand ladies and gentlemen!  
  
Audience (made up of 5 rotting zombies): yay... (scarcely heard clapping)  
  
Alex: You like me, you really like me!  
  
Chester: Shut up and play the game.  
  
Alex: Kay.  
  
Chester: Ok, listen up because I'm only saying this once. I am going to ask you one question. If you can guess the right answer before time runs out, you win a chipped gem and two minor health restoring potions! As an added bonus, you get Fluffly the poodle!  
  
Fluffly: Arf. (licks himself)  
  
Chester: But if the time runs out before you guess the right answer, Diablo gets your mortal soul and he gets to eat fluffy!  
  
At that moment, a large, evil looking demon pokes his head through a hole in the wall. The dog begins shaking in fear and the audience gasps.  
  
Diablo: Hi!   
  
Chester: He's yours this time Diablo.  
  
Diablo: I'll get you, my pretty! And your little dog too!  
  
Chester: This is your one and only question...What is large, evil, and sadistic, runs on all fours, is staring right at you, and wants your soul?  
  
A timer starts and the a sign is held up to inform the audience what the answer is. The sign reads, Diablo, Lord of darkness, evil, and all cheeses in existence.  
  
Alex: Fluffy????  
  
Chester and Diablo snicker to themselves.  
  
Diablo: Mwahahahahahahahaaaaa!!!! Your soul is mine!  
  
Alex: My girlfriend?  
  
Diablo: Ha ha.  
  
Alex: Okay, so I don't have a girlfriend. (sobs)   
  
Chester: Only five seconds left Alex.  
  
Alex: I don't know!  
  
Audience: 4. 3. 2. 1....  
  
Alex: Ooh, ooh, I know!!!!!  
  
A buzzer sounds.  
  
Chester: Sorry Alex. Your time is up.  
  
Diablo: Thank you!!! (eats fluffy) Ha, now your soul belongs to me!  
  
The audience cheers as a bright light leaves Alex's body and flies over to Diablo. He eats that as well and Alex instantly turns into a zombie.  
  
Chester: Whew, I'm safe.  
  
Diablo is bowing on the ground with Alex's head impaled on a pike in front of him.  
  
Diablo: Oh, Neo Sygma, writer of fanfics, destroyer of worlds, devourer of greasy food. I thank you for your gift of souls. I offer this sacrifice so that you may grant me more power and deliver more souls to me.  
  
A really, really, big, armed cow falls on Chester, killing them both. Their souls fly over to him and he eats those too.  
  
Neo Sygma: Host this game show and they will come.  
  
Diablo: I thank thee.  
  
End  
  
Neo Sygma: Mwahahahahahahaha!!!! Soon, the universe will be mine to command! Diablo, fetch me a pepsi.  
  
Diablo: Another one? That's the twentieth one today!  
  
Neo Sygma: Don't question me. Oh, and while you're in the kitchen, call up Barney, the Teletubbies, Pikachu, Adam Sandler, Bill Gates, Elton John, and Bill Clinton. I want them to lead my dark army in the coming war.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
Note: I do not own Barney, the Telletubbies, Pikachu, Adam Sandler, Bill Gates, Elton John, or Bill Clinton (Or, obviously enough, Diablo). But I do own Chester, Alex, and many other souls and not yet dead lackeys who have pledged their allegiance to me and live in this world purely to serve me. Mwahahahaha!!   
  
  
Extra note: To all those fine famous people who are actually alive. I'm sorry for using you in this fanfic, but people like comedy.   
  
Diablo: Hey, what're ya doin sayin sorry? I thought you were evil.  
  
Neo Sygma: Don't make me throw you into the pit of ravenous lawyers and disgruntled postal workers.  
  
Diablo: Aiiiieeeeee!! (runs away)  
  
Yet another note: No, lawyers are not ravenous and postal workers are not disgruntled (though there may be the odd individual).  
  
FINAL NOTE: YES! I am crazy!  
  
  



	4. What's the Answer 4

What's the Answer? 4: The Long Awaited Sequel to the Sequel's Sequel   
  
  
Spotlights fill a colourful stage, and a big red demon in a bad suit walks into the center.  
  
Host: Hi again everybody! I'm Diablo, Lord of Terror, and welcome to What's the Answer, the gameshow where the contestant has to answer one rediculously easy question. Tonight's contestant is Bobby. Bobby is a merchant from Lut Gholein and has Come here to beautiful Hell for a vacation... Give him a hand ladies and gentlemen!  
  
Audience (consisting only of Raikou_Ryu): Wassat?... (goes back to writing stories)  
  
Bobby: (blank stare)  
  
Diablo: Riiiiight...  
  
Bobby: (still staring, turns to look at Diablo)  
  
Diablo: Alrighty, the rules are simple. I ask you a reeeeeaaaaly easy question, and if you get it right, you get... What?! The Grandfather?! Rai, are you sure this is right?  
  
R_R: Yup...  
  
Diablo: Okay, it's your cash. Anywho, Bobby, if you win, you get THE Grandfather. If you lose, I get your soul.  
  
Bobby: Okay. Cool...  
  
Diablo: (looks at R_R strangely) Where do you get these guys?  
  
R_R: School usually.  
  
Bobby: What?  
  
Diablo: Umm, nothing. Now, for your question... What is the Grandfather?  
  
A timer starts and the a sign is held up to inform TV viewers what the answer is. The sign reads, "A sword."  
  
Bobby: A really old guy?  
  
R_R laughs, while Diablo tries to hold in his own laughter.  
  
Bobby: What's so funny?  
  
R_R: Oh, nothing. (snickers) Just something I wrote.  
  
Bobby: Okay.   
  
The clock ticks down to ten seconds, and Diablo is now rolling on the floor, laughing his head off.  
  
Diablo: Only ten seconds left Bobby.  
  
Bobby: What was the question again?  
  
Diablo: I'm sorry, but you only get the question once. You have five seconds left.  
  
Bobby: Okay, fine... (pulls a hot dog out of his backpack and starts eating it.)  
  
Diablo, at this point, Diabo is dumbfounded. The buzzer sounds.  
  
Diablo: Sorry Bobby. Your time is up.  
  
Bobby: (stares blankly ahead while he eats his hot dog)  
  
Diablo: (laughing and waiting for Bobby's soul) I win again!  
  
Bobby's soul doesn't fly out of him...  
  
Bobby: (still chewing the same bit of hot dog)  
  
R_R: Bobby, what're you eating?   
  
Bobby: (still chewing)  
  
R_R: Bobby! What're you eating?!  
  
Bobby: (still chewing)  
  
Diablo: Hello? Soul? Rai, I think there's something wrong with him... He doesn't seem to have a soul.  
  
R_R: (looks at Diablo funny, then looks at Bobby) Oh, right. I forgot, I got him to sell his soul to me a while ago.  
  
Diablo: How much did ya pay?  
  
R_R: I dunno... a couple cents or something. You can have it if you want it.  
  
Diablo: (shrugs his shoulders) A soul is a soul.  
  
R_R: (folds a piece of paper up into an airplane, then tosses it to Diablo.) There ya go. (goes back to writing)  
  
Diablo: (unfolds the piece of paper, reads it, then eats it.) Could use some salt.  
  
Bobby: What? What am I eating? I'm eating a hot dog. Want some? (holds up the hot dog)  
  
R_R and Diablo: Eew!  
  
R_R: Bobby, what's on that thing?  
  
Bobby: (checks) Onions, peanut butter, ketchup, chocolate sauce, and I think... a wiener...  
  
Diablo runs behind the set and starts to throw up. Ryan, on the other hand, starts to chug a bottle of Pepto Bismol.  
  
Bobby: What? It's good.  
  
R_R: Bobby, you can go home now.  
  
Bobby gets up, shrugs his shoulders, and walks away. Diablo comes back looking much better, and is relieved to see that Bobby and his hot dog are gone.  
  
Diablo: So, what do we do now?  
  
R_R: (puts away his writing binder) I dunno. We could always go watch TV and wait for some heroes to summon you.  
  
Diablo: But that's what I do all day... I'm tired of killing stupid heroes. I know, we could invite my brothers and a couple of your friends over, and we can play Dungeons and Dragons, and eat pizza, and give each other makeovers, and...  
  
R_R: Diablo...  
  
Diablo: What?  
  
R_R: I think you're a little messed up in the head. The D&D idea is a good one, but if you want to have a makeover, then you can do that by yourself.  
  
Diablo: Oops, did I say that out loud? (blushes) Umm, forget I ever said that. I'll go call my brothers.  
  
R_R: You do that. (leaves)  
  
Diablo: (pulls out his cell phone) One, eight hundred, C-O-L-L-E-C-T... Haha, I love that Carrot Top... Funny...  
  
  
  
End  
  
R_R: Mwahaha... Could that ending lead to another fun filled story? Maybe. It all depends on how lazy I am when I remember the idea...   
  
Note: Once again, I don't own Diablo, Carrot Top, or Dungeons and Dragons. Not even I'm evil enough to own Diablo, or Carrot Top for that matter. I do, on the other hand, own Bobby, multiple personalities, and anyone who tries to beat me in Super Smash Brothers Melee. 


End file.
